Oct 06 2008
What Defines Good Parenting?
First some freebies! then my thoughts on something I read on another blog.
right@home sweepstakes for a ziplock fall zip pack cick here
wedgie-free wednesdays. win free panties from Hanes by clicking here
Here is the site I found this topic on. and the following is the post the author wrote:
http://generalparenting.today.com/2008/10/02/sybling-rivalry/
“I have two daughters and a son. My oldest is three years older than my middle child who is also a daughter and four years older than my youngest son. Now my younger two kids seem to get along fine for the most part, no less than a typical brother and sister with the occasional fights but they play together, hang out together, share their secrets, defend each other, and do almost everything together. Now my oldest daughter gets along with my son pretty well also but her and my middle child just can’t seem to get along. There are always threats of fists flying as they push each other around calling each other names and both claiming the other gets special treatment. For the longest time I was intervening but lately I’ve decided I am going to let them work things out for themselves even if that means it comes to blows, which it hasn’t so far that way neither of them feel that I have a favorite and neither of them feels I am being unfair to them. They tend to calm down quicker this way because I think my older daughter is afraid of hurting my younger daughter and I kind of think my younger daughter is afraid of the same thing. Now my question is, is this because they are so far in age or is it because they are sisters who are competing for the attention of their mother? Well I have been trying to give them equal individual attention and they seem to be doing better. I guess I will never know if it’s because of a silent competition between them or if it is just age related, I’m just glad that it’s getting better between them.”
After reading all of that, I have to ask, “What defines good parenting?” I did respond to her…(you can read my response on her site)…I would like to think it’s a parent who can keep in control, but let’s be honest here, aren’t there times you just want to beat the crap out of a kid?
I’m serious. There are times that laying a kid over your knee and giving a good smack on the ass a few times can straighten them out. There are some kids that are truly disrespectful and out of control at times, (my own kids are included) and I have all the behavior modification techniques in place, plus the usual groundments and I believe there comes a point when a spanking is appropriate. I don’t mean an all out thrashing, that is NEVER warranted. But we were kids, and the discipline was a lot harsher than it is today.
Again I have to ask, what defines good parenting? I ask how many times do you hug your child? Did you know it’s more effective to tell your child you are proud of them as opposed to constantly saying you love them? Is it neglectful to not discipline your child? How far do you allow sibling rivalry to carry on? Should they just work it out for themselves? How many times should mom and dad interviene?
I found a site, AskDrSears and there are numerous listed reasons why we SHOULDN’T spanks our kids as well as a balanced dose of if we do.
On Kids Heath for parents, I found age appropriate behavior techniques. Again, another site saying spanking is not okay.
Uh OH! Parent Magic.com has listed a book named 1-2-3 Magic, (which I actually have this book) and then I found the following on Get The Word Out.com and it states the following:
The American College of Pediatricians has recently put out a statement about their position on spanking children. They agree that spanking is ok to use if used properly. All of this comes in light of the state of Massachusetts looking at banning that form of discipline and the UN trying to get countries to ban it as well.
One pediatrician said “that spanking is most appropriate for children 2 to 6 years old when other milder forms of discipline don’t work” and should be rarely used after the age of 10. The ACP has made a handout the goes over their guidelines for spanking kids. It also gives other, milder forms (about 4) of discipline that should be used before spanking.
I just want to start by saying two things:
First, if your kids are not listening to you, WHOOP ‘EM!
Second, I really don’t think that discipline is the whole problem…
Before I go on, let me say that I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, in favor of beating your kids. I do think that a lot of people can get out of hand with whooping their kids, but these people have other problems that they need to deal with…
I think that this is one issue that has helped to bring about the condition of our kids today. Would all of these shootings be happening if the kids had gotten whooped when they were little? Would there be as much promiscuity and sexual immorality among our teens and pre-teens today if they were getting whooped? I doubt it.
I rest my case.
Here’s my opinion. At times is it necessary to spank, but not hurt your child. Verbal abuse hurts worse than hitting, the effects are long lasting. There comes a point in your childs life when they should know you mean business and a verbal warning, groundment or other form of punnishment like yard work, dishes for a week, etc should be sufficient enough, in my opinion especially when the child hits 12 or 13. There should always be a great line of communication open between kids and parents, if there isn’t one, establish it.
Is it necessary to spank, yes sometimes, but hopefully it’s a last resort and not the first.
I would really like to know your opinion on this. I realize it’s a topic which has been talked to death, but for some reason this keeps poping up and I just want to know the age group which is pro and con. I am 35, in my experience a spank is sometimes warranted and it’s how I myself was disciplined, although I learned a long time ago, NOT to make the same mistakes my parents did and I believe I am a VERY different parent than they were.
